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Parents' Page Insights and ideas from parents to parents...
4/06/2000 - This article from Dennis Benson
"You Got A Lot In The Bag, Mister." On weekends I tend to spend my daily three hour exercise routine on the beach. I walk to the shores of Lake Michigan and pick up trash. At the end of one hour trek I was dragging nine bags or waste.
Last Sunday I noticed two spinning figures way down the beach. As I drew closer I saw that the activity was generated by two young girls and their puppies. The girls and their tiny dogs came scrambling toward me.
"What nice dogs you have!" I stopped and bent down to play with their pets. The two puppies licked my hands. I asked, "What are their names?"
"He is a boy and she is a girl. His name is Mr. Bubbles. Hers if Fluff," said the four year old in blue pants.
"They are three weeks old," offered the other girl in the red play outfit. "What are you doing?" she continued.
"I'm picking up trash from the beach," I offered.
"You sure got a lot, mister."
They then suddenly spun away, happily running at full speed down the beach, the tiny puppies barely able to keep up with their companions.
This chance meeting with two delightfully honest and happy children gave me a glimpse into the magic of childhood and the discovery of fresh wonders. They were children with their first cherished pets.
3/25/2000 - This week's piece from Dennis Benson
Losing a pet is often one of the first deaths that touches the life of a child. It can be a stressful event. Death may daily invade the lives of young people through films, television, the nightly news, and the Web. Yet, the reality of losing a significant life often forces a young person to face a whole new flow of confusing and conflicting experiences.
Most often, in our interviews with young people, it is the death of a grandparent or fatal car accident of a schoolmate that sets off unfamiliar grief.
"While he was in the coma, all of us forgot the things that divided us, and hung on to each other at the hospital." This teen remembered how the threat of death re-defined relationships and attitudes.
These critical junctures of life crises are at the heart of growth and learning. The sensitive teacher, counselor, or significant adult takes such moments seriously and encourages the sharing of the grieving process.
Of course, these moments become even more complex when the adult finds his or her own buried grief entering the mix. Such awareness can be both a block and a passport into interpersonal communication.
One of the most wonderful gifts of being a part of so many young lives is the experience of young people who have been able to transform grief into the positive skill of compassion for others. In death there can be life!
2/12/2000 - This week's piece from Dennis Benson "Think Piece"
I used to think that the overuse of "pep" talk wisdom in athletics was naive. However, there is truth in the fact that our outlook does influence our behavior and performance.
The young often face a rhetoric of criticism, negativism, and despair as they try new skills and tasks without experience or confidence. The challenge for those of us working with youth is to balance encouragement with constructive appraisal of emerging skills. How can one be honest and at the same time strengthen the confidence of the learner?
Our approach to young people who are developing emerging judgment skills is to believe in the potential of the learner. Even in the face of mistakes, support helps youth to nurture an attitude that tries again and again to be what they can be. It is extremely difficult for those who have been through challenging life experiences to let those behind them make the same learning mistakes as they made.
One of the most moving aspects of working with those who have been dealt a challenging physical, mental, or social hand is to experience the courage and winning attitude that so many of these folks have. They just won't give up.
1/19/2000 Edition "I gotta get out of my comfort zone." Pete's declaration of intent was stunning. The 17 year old had just reviewed his last year of school. He suddenly concluded that it had been a waste.
"I chilled out with friends mostly. I let the stream tumble me along. I went with the flow...and it just washed out."
How does one leave the comfort zone? We all love to find the groove where things are smooth and easy. A lot of counseling and advice to the young suggest that they find a comfortable place. Adjustment to school and social situations seems to be the goal of much of our training for the young.
"I want to do something that makes a difference. It's not enough to just eat your wants. You have to feed the souls of others, too," Pete reflects.
Have adults missed a point that this perceptive teen is making? Perhaps we should be helping young people (and teachers/parents) leave a comfortable relationship with our world. Perhaps Pete and others are looking for ways that their lives can make a difference.
It may be that learning is a process of leaving behind the shelter of comfortable ideas, lifestyles, and attitudes. It is the stretching of outlook that makes new ideas, new understandings, and new behavior possible. Have you had a good "comfort zone" talk with the teens in your classroom, school, or home recently? Our current interviews with teens suggest that a fresh awakening to service is emerging in youth culture.
Perhaps the hardest part of beckoning the young to become uncomfortable with the present as they create the future, is being a model for them.
11/27/99 Edition Dale Dieleman of Holland, Michigan Recently I had a conversation with a Ugandan woman who has been in the US for about 5 years. She is middle aged and we were talking about families and how in Africa and other places the extended family and culture is so "elder focused." We talked of how US families send their elders to nursing or rest homes while in other countries they take them in giving them primary roles as wise and respected members of the family, often caring for grandchildren while their adult children work at whatever jobs are available. "In America everything is so youth focused, " she said. "Older people are not respected here. People are discarded when they get older-from jobs, families and from their communities. People here don't see them as wise and perhaps that is why they (elders) are seen as senile, for lack of being active." In other cultures, the elders keep sharp mentally because they are relied upon for their wisdom and insights. In the US they are ignored. What struck me in all this is that as the rest of the world sees the US, we are ALL youth focused and obsessed. Yes youth are targets for Madison Ave., but it is only a reflection of a youth-pandered culture. What is ironic, however is that while churches and communities sometimes don't seem to put enough emphasis on youth programs, these same youth are literally running their families, or so observes this Ugandan woman. She cited several examples of American friends (adults) who cater to their children, almost out of fear of having a problem teen on their hands. The youth, she says, demand a college education (as a right, not a privilege,) certain clothes, entertainment systems in their homes, cars to drive, hours to keep suitable to themselves, and many other things which to this woman seemed so out of control. I guess what I was thinking here is that TIC in its parent connections, pose such things for parent comment interactively. Getting new perspectives, or at least observations, may help parents and others relating to youth have a fresh opportunity for reflection on how they relate to youth in program, family and one-on-one settings. It would also be good to share these observations with teens themselves and introduce them (USA teens) to the lives lived by their peers in other - particularly less advantaged - countries or settings. I think we are corporately, missiologically and educationally beginning to think and act "globally." What we can do for teens and parents is help them make connections globally with other cultures via information, stories, and perhaps even direct contact. If you are interested in sharing your thoughts on BBCWORKS, please email us your 250-300 word piece, your name and contact information. We will notify writers of use and site date.
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